pride and arrogance

sometimes it takes
a good swift kick to the head
for me to see the truth
unfortunately
there aren't that many people
in my life
who are able to deliver such a ... message
and still have me understand it
in some intelligible way
*grin*
very recently
a person has come into my life
who has harshed me out
(harshed: v. to tell one the Truth in a way he will understand...
you figure it out *wink*)

i've spent a good portion of my life
dealing with my pride
people have called me arrogant
people have said i was aloof
many times,
i think it was because
they did not understand
what i was saying or doing
and would take my comments
from their own points of view
tinged with their own insecurity
to me,
alot of what i said
i said as what i saw was the Truth
simple
and plain
what i realize now
is that in saying something
even if i could back it up
and "prove" it to be True
it was more in the saying of it
that the pride existed
rather than in the fact presented
why do i say the things i do?
what is the reason for it?
to state a fact?
a fact that no one really cares about?
a fact that i wish to state in order to show something?
superiority?
that i am better than others?
these were the types of questions
that were harshed at me
and as i pondered them
i realized the Truth behind them
alot of things
can be stated as fact
can be said with no pride or arrogance in one's own mind
but the mere desire to state them
is where the arrogance lies
do people really care
how good a person is at one thing or another?
"good" is subjective after all
as is "better than", "stronger than", "faster than"
or any other comparative phrase
so why say them?
well to re-affirm one's own sense of self maybe
or because one does not think
before one speaks
i think i may be guilty of both
i've got to thank
this dear friend of mine
for showing me... me
for letting me hear... me
i am learning to listen
to my own words
as i speak them
i am learning to hear my words
as others hear them
it's ironic almost
how something so simple
could be so important
and yet it is...
for why else would we speak
other than to communicate something
even if that something
isn't what we think it is
it does not matter that what i say
is but a part of what i am thinking
but a little part of the thoughts that flow through my mind
if i am saying it TO someone
i have to listen carefully to what i say
because that is all they can hear
they cannot hear the subtext
they cannot hear the background thoughts and emotions
and thus i am responsible
even more so
for my actions
in this case,
exactly what i say

i realize now
how arrogant some of the things i say
can sound
and i do not like it.
as always,
there was no way to change this
until i realized that there was something to BE changed
now i find
i have alot of work to do
and this is cool
because this is what i find is meaningful in life
to improve things within
so that one may improve things without
and by improve
i mean bringing out the joy
the compassion
and the love
that resides in the spirit of our beings
and allows us to share something
that makes us all feel like using the words
cool!
awesome!
neat!
:)

the texas thang

this latest trip
started off with a first for me...
it was the first time
i have ever missed a flight
one of those mornings
where i set the alarm
but it didn't go off
because i set it for 5:40pm
instead of a.m.
and the taxi i had arranged to come pick me up
forgot.
and so that backup didn't work either
thank god for mum
who was wondering why i hadn't said good bye
before i left on my trip
and then realized
that i was still sleeping
and came to wake me
i must say
i felt like a little kid again
standing at the bottom of the stairs
saying, "mom!!! what should i do?!?!"
the plane was leaving at 8am
and here i was at 7am
still at home
she called a friend of hers
who was up and free
(thank you robert!!!)
and came to pick me up
in his spiffy red matrix
he even did
one of those cool moves
as he pulled up
and spun the car 180 degrees in front of the house
so that we were pointing in the right direction
my suitcase was on the sidewalk already
and i sprinted to the car
tossed everything in the trunk
and off we went
despite the morning rush hour traffic
which is nasty around the university area where i live
and even worse when it's cold and snowy out
(-27C)
he arrived at about 7:34am by his clock
which was 5 minutes fast
at 7:47am real time (7:52am robert time)
i was out of the car
and running to the northwest counters
which were completely abandoned
i found a nwa lady in the office
and at 7:51am
i was saw the preboarding announcements
and still missed my flight
because u.s. customs closed 30 minutes before my flight departure
as did the counter
luckily,
the gods were kind
and the lady (val was her name)
booked me on the next flight
without charging me for missing my flight
so i got to hang around till my 2pm flight
and didn't get into dallas until about 10pm or so
i realize sometimes
it's the little thangs that make everything "ok"
the kindness of the nwa lady
the 2 flight attendants who were with me from
edmonton to minnesota and then on to dallas
(and they gave me tons of pretzels and drinks!)
the bus guy who saw me standing there alone at DFW
stopped
and gave me a ride to the rental car shuttle drop off
(he insisted)
which i don't think i would have found easily
and there was no one there to ask at that time of night
(it's a freaking HUGE airport here!!!)
he actually caught up to the shuttle bus
and dropped me off in front of it's next stop
cool...
and even tho
i wasn't able to use my rental upgrade coupon
(all cars were sold out till thursday... it was tuesday nite)
i finally got to drive a nissan altima
and i can see why my lil bro likes them so much
they sure have decent accel
and handle nicely even for a base model
so
here i am now
after a days work
and a decent tex mex meal
and tomorrow i'm off to longview
i've had a couple chances
to hear the ol' southern drawl
which i love so much
but i've not been listening to any country music just yet
because all the stations seem to be playing
top 40s
or christmas music

anyways
i'm enjoying the weather here
mid 60s during the day
tho it drops to the high 30s at night
i did bring a toque
so i'm set
sure beats edmonton weather
*grin*
looking forward to driving around texas a bit
and maybe seeing an armadillo or two
tho i hope it's not because i get lost in the country side
like the last time i was here
...mind you,
seeing lil armadillos run free and wild
was worth getting lost for
:)