pride and arrogance

sometimes it takes
a good swift kick to the head
for me to see the truth
unfortunately
there aren't that many people
in my life
who are able to deliver such a ... message
and still have me understand it
in some intelligible way
*grin*
very recently
a person has come into my life
who has harshed me out
(harshed: v. to tell one the Truth in a way he will understand...
you figure it out *wink*)

i've spent a good portion of my life
dealing with my pride
people have called me arrogant
people have said i was aloof
many times,
i think it was because
they did not understand
what i was saying or doing
and would take my comments
from their own points of view
tinged with their own insecurity
to me,
alot of what i said
i said as what i saw was the Truth
simple
and plain
what i realize now
is that in saying something
even if i could back it up
and "prove" it to be True
it was more in the saying of it
that the pride existed
rather than in the fact presented
why do i say the things i do?
what is the reason for it?
to state a fact?
a fact that no one really cares about?
a fact that i wish to state in order to show something?
superiority?
that i am better than others?
these were the types of questions
that were harshed at me
and as i pondered them
i realized the Truth behind them
alot of things
can be stated as fact
can be said with no pride or arrogance in one's own mind
but the mere desire to state them
is where the arrogance lies
do people really care
how good a person is at one thing or another?
"good" is subjective after all
as is "better than", "stronger than", "faster than"
or any other comparative phrase
so why say them?
well to re-affirm one's own sense of self maybe
or because one does not think
before one speaks
i think i may be guilty of both
i've got to thank
this dear friend of mine
for showing me... me
for letting me hear... me
i am learning to listen
to my own words
as i speak them
i am learning to hear my words
as others hear them
it's ironic almost
how something so simple
could be so important
and yet it is...
for why else would we speak
other than to communicate something
even if that something
isn't what we think it is
it does not matter that what i say
is but a part of what i am thinking
but a little part of the thoughts that flow through my mind
if i am saying it TO someone
i have to listen carefully to what i say
because that is all they can hear
they cannot hear the subtext
they cannot hear the background thoughts and emotions
and thus i am responsible
even more so
for my actions
in this case,
exactly what i say

i realize now
how arrogant some of the things i say
can sound
and i do not like it.
as always,
there was no way to change this
until i realized that there was something to BE changed
now i find
i have alot of work to do
and this is cool
because this is what i find is meaningful in life
to improve things within
so that one may improve things without
and by improve
i mean bringing out the joy
the compassion
and the love
that resides in the spirit of our beings
and allows us to share something
that makes us all feel like using the words
cool!
awesome!
neat!
:)